I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
