i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
