ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They took my balls.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Will exercising make me less horny?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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