He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
