I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
