You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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