So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
