I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
