just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Say something about gay babies.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
