Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
