and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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