I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
