My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
