Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
