The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
