the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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