I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
