Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
