I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
