I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just tell him i said nine months
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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