how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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