my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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