I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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