did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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