I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
