We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
