He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
