What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I cockslap morals
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
