If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
