Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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