Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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