I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize