I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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