I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
