If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Randomize
