Where is the hickey?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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