Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
