All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
