Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
