I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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