a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is not my ceiling
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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