i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
