No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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