that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
