party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
