There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
