I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
