I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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