Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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