I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
