is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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