you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
