seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
