I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
