He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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