u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
