are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
