when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize