I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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