Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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