his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize