Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
