mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
