I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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