You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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