Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
