either way he was missing a nipple.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
