I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I pour the whiskey from now on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
