Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
