actually, I'm a sock model
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
