if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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