In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
