Are we in a gay sports bar?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
