it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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