did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
