I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
