Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
