Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
