Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
