Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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