I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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