just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
