he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
