Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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