i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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