All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
