She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
