i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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