Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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