Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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