so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she smelled like a LAN party
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize